Reasons Adele is my hero

Is it still cool to like Adele? Yeah? Okay. Just checking.
Even through all the pop culture that surrounds Adele, I love the hell out of her.

First, obviously, I love her music. Her lyrics are ridiculous and powerful. I mean, come on.

You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played it to the beat

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over

Seriously? That's poetry.  You'll not find that in any other artist.
Besides her lyrics, I love Adele for her pipes. She can fill a room with her powerful, beautiful voice. She can command an audience and keep their attention fixed on her for an entire performance.

Second, Adele is, herself, beautiful. She doesn't dress like a skank, like other artists she is frequently compared with. Adele is a real woman, and she is a lady.


One of the many things she has on the other artists in her category is her pride and her modesty. Every time I see Adele, at awards ceremonies, in music videos, on television, etc., she gets more and more beautiful.

And, the final reason I love Adele:

I don't care if everyone on Earth has seen this picture a hundred thousand times. It's still another wonderful, powerful, beautiful reason to appreciate Adele.

Bruno Mars is cancelling Christmas.

Oh, Internet. Don't you just love cute musicians who decide not to enunciate? Of course you do. Isn't that how Fall Out Boy got so popular?
Fortunately, Bruno Mars did not actually succeed in cancelling the greatest holiday of the year. The cause for this fairly witty (thankyouverymuch) title is a misheard lyric from his song It Will Rain. Here are the words from the chorus:

'Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you, Baby. There'll be no clear skies, if I lose you, Baby. Just like the clouds, my eyes will do the same. If you walk away, every day it'll rain.

Ignoring how unmusical these words look once injected with standard English grammar rules applied, these are the actual words. I now shall illustrate how the words appeared in my head.

'Cause there'll be no sun, right? If I lose you, Baby, there'll be no Christmas. If I lose you, Baby, Just like the clowns, my eyes will do the same. If you walk away, every day it'll rain.

I know, right? Am I kidding? No. Am I deaf? Perhaps; I spend a lot of time around loud instruments and loud people.
This interpretation paints either a very sad picture of Bruno Mars or puts him in a questionable serial-killer position. In the first way, he explains that the subject of the song is his sunlight, and without her there will be no sun. Additionally, without her, there will be, nay, can not be a Christmas. If she leaves, he will have sad clown eyes. Perhaps he will paint his face to match the comparison he artfully makes.
But, if you think about it, (which, clearly, I have) we could be witnessing a subtle confession or threat of severe bodily harm. There'll be no sun, because I'll lock you in the closet. There'll be no Christmas, because if you last that long, I'm not buying you any presents. Just like the clowns, my eyes will do the same. But not the cute circus clowns, Baby.
I like to believe that our friend Bruno is not a viscious murderer.

I am not alone in mishearing these lyrics, either. A conversation with my inferior sibling illustrated that she misheard those words, as well, just not in the same way. (Hers also had something to do with Christmas, though it did not allude to violent crime.) And, since I am wildly in love with the Internet, I found some other chortle-inducing misheard lyrics. Here are some of them.

 Her nips, her nips I could kiss them all day if she'd let me. (Just The Way You Are)
Her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like Van Nuys shining. (Just The Way You Are)
But every time she asks me, do I love cocaine? You know I'll say...(Just The Way You Are)
Had her ass wide open. (Grenade)  

 Here's the slightly sketchy site I found these on. (kissthisguy.com? Seriously?)

Smooth music for bitter old ladies.

What does everyone have against the music of our grandparents?
This post was inspired after a conversation with an associate* of mine. I asked him what he did this weekend, and he rolled his eyes dramatically and told a story about his grandma and how she sat him down, forced him to listen to grainy old records, and made carrot cake for him and his family.
First of all, if my grandma made me a carrot cake, I would not gripe about anything; especially something that would potentially impede her willingness/ability to continue creating the cake.
But, why is old music such a torture for young people to listen to? What happened to make it such a turn off?
Well, partially, I believe it's a preference thing. If you listen to the music on the radio, you will notice that there is very little piano, and very little quiet singing. Moreover, it is hard to find a bit of music that is not technologically altered in some way or another.
Take a look at this video that makes me wish I was better at the piano.

If this song doesn't make you want to put on a flapper dress and shake your legs wildly, nothing will.
So, it's no wonder that our grandparents loved this stuff. This was the pop music of their days. When we browse through pictures of our grandparents in old, dusty photo albums, we see grainy, black and white (or worse - sepia!) photos of people in old-looking clothing. Of course these look old. They are old. But, as one of my favorite history professors once told me, "It's not just old; it's history."

Perhaps it's just me. It very well may be, because I am an old person trapped in a young person's body. But, this music that our granddaddies grew up wagging their white-gloved fingers to is not actually bad. It's just a different style of music. For example, if a (very unfortunate) person had grown up listening to only a pandora playlist based on the Happy Days theme song, he would be appalled to discover such wonders as Bruno Mars and Adele.
That was a long tangent. The moral of the story is just because your granny likes it, doesn't mean it's bad. Put away your iPod. Listen to some Nat King Cole for awhile. In fact, you know what? I'll give you a head start.

*I don't have any real associates.

Reasons to despise Nickelback

Hello, Internet. Today, we are going to talk about Nickelback, a Canadian rock band that is the bain of my very existence.
First, a brief bio is in order, so as to be polite. (Remember, boys and girls; always be polite to people who make you angry.) Nickelback became volcanically active in 1995, and, according to Wikipedia, is "...the 11th best selling music act of the 2000s, and is the 2nd best selling foreign act in the U.S. behind The Beatles for the 2000's." Their music has been labeled Alternative Rock, Hard Rock, and Alternative Metal. The only actually notable/recognisable person in the band is frontman Chad Kroeger (below).


There are plenty of reasons to hate Nickelback, and some of these are touched upon in this blog post hosted by Wordpress.com. But, my own personal reasons are much more specific than my fellow blogger's.
The first reason almost goes without saying. Nickelback's songs all sound exactly the same. Yes, there are indeed some slight variations when it comes to lyrics, chord progressions, and the mood of the piece. But, not much. I'm not going to ask you to listen to any of their songs, because I'm quite sure you have already been bombarded by them by your local radio station. Nickelback's songs have been called "American," "distinct," and "unique." That's just a polite way to say, "Get out of the way, Chad Kroeger. No one likes your whiny-ass voice. Give someone else a turn." Bruce Springsteen is American. Nickelback is embarrassing.
Second is their RIDICULOUS music videos. Sometimes, bands produce some ridiculous videos. (Cough cough, The Academy Is..._) But, few are as consistently horrifying as Nickelback's. For example, in the "If Today Was Your Last Day" video, ignoring the fact that the very first lyrics are, "My best friend gave me the best advice," (pukepukepukeeverywhere) the video is outrageous. Here's a link to it. I'd go through the laborious process of describing it, but it hurts my feelings to have to watch it. See for yourself.
Finally, because all the cool listmakers use three main points, Nickelback's lyrics stab me in the heart and twist the knife. As with the previous mention in If Today Was Your Last Day, other ridiculous lyrics include but are certainly not limited to,

"It's getting late I haven't seen my date so tell me when the boys get here, It's seven o'clock and I wanna rock, Want to get a belly full of beer"

"You're beside me on the seat. Got your hand between my knees. And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze. It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear. But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears"
"I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame, I'd even cut my hair and change my name"
AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
These lyrics are not American. They are outrageous, drunken, Mama-never-loved-me lyrics.


You may insert here a long, loud, exasperated sigh. The moral of the story is, Nickelback is one of the worst bands ever. They do not create good music, they are horrifying to look at, both in front of a video camera and in photos, and they are not worth listening to. Please, call your local radio station and beg for mercy. Tell them to save the Nickelback for bad kereoke.

BONUS: Check out this blog. This is exactly what I'm talking about. http://aaronownsyou.blogspot.com/2007/08/10-ridiculous-claims-made-by-nickelback.html